Nandini, a Love Story

Chapter-23

Great Perturbation

Every day my journey began with the thought of finding him on the bus and getting a glimpse of those eyes. I felt some unknown, indefinable joy in his presence that I could not express to anybody, even to myself. I always tried to keep my composure reserved within me, hidden as if it would reflect on my face and everyone could read it, particularly him. It was a sin, a forbidden emotion on my part. I was engaged to Dipesh whom I loved. Yeah of course I loved Dipesh. And I was confirmed that this ‘Nandini’ whom I did not know, one day would come out of her madness or whatever I termed it.

Many a time I tried to tell Dipesh everything. But at night when he called me his jovial tone imbued with vibrant love and eagerness strangulated my words that I wished to share…ominous words…baseless feelings…crazy conscience. I coiled and cringed within me, feeling void. I could not accumulate enough words to share with Dipesh, I felt desperate to end his call somehow. I feared that he might read me if I spoke for a long time. He knew every bit of me; he was there for me when we were saplings and now, we are grown-up trees stretching our branches to embrace each other.

But sometimes even overcoming the long distance he could guess the wanting vigor and vitality in my voice.

“Nandu, are you ok?”

I recovered myself from my downcast voice instantly and wear the baritone of my practiced vocal timbre

“No, nope…I’m tired…too much work pressure.”

 “But when we will be married your work pressure will be doubled. You have to take care of me and your office. Then every day you will shout at me. I am damn sure about it.”

“Is that? No…. I will not shout. I will just snore beside you and will not let you sleep beside me.”

“Then I will push you out of the bed.”

“Really?”

He never spoke about anything serious. He always carried on his convivial spirit that once I loved and adored too much. For all my life I loved Dipesh where there were no amounts of frivolity. He was my everything…radar of my ship. We were going to be married. But despite everything, I never felt this kind of all-consuming longing for him that I was singeing with for Prasun. Dipesh was like the soothing zephyr of a summer evening after rain. He was the peace of my soul, my abode of joy….my emancipation. I never imagined getting estranged from him. The very thought of it makes me frantic, helpless, and directionless.

But then when I talked with Dipesh an irritating bawl keep ricocheting in all the spheres of my brain from the cerebrum to the cerebellum to the medulla oblongata. I wanted to erase that …to live inside me…peacefully …undivided not in dichotomy. I could no longer live with this scattered soul of mine. Whenever I talked with him, I got charred in the fire of conscience and thousands of undefined emotions whose tangled threads coiled inside me like a mess of wire. A volley of bullets pierces through my heart, my senses. I wished to solve my all turbulences. I longed to live happily with Dipesh. How was it possible? I didn’t know.

To be continued…

munu.ruku2020

Hey, I am Munmun, the phoenix fabulist who wants to tell you stories. I love to read stories and I love to weave stories. I feel life is an amalgamation of multiple stories, colourful threads, and threads of pain, pleasure, hope, and hopelessness. We just need to pick those hues and arrange them, knitting them with our own emotions and perception. So let’s celebrate the stories of life.