Life Beyond Life, Chapter – 20, I Want My Soul Back
Life became a living coffin, with no way out, no solution, just frantic insane existence; every moment withered gulping the hellish fire. Finally, I decided to meet him without informing him, as a surprise. A face-to-face discussion might solve the case or plaster the breach. Next week I left for Chitora giving Mamoni an urgent excuse and promising to return within two days. I had no reservations, but I cared nothing for my inconvenience. I wished just to find the truth of our relationship and the sanctity of my adoration.
When I reached there it was early morning. I tried to contact Akash without any results. I took a cab and reached his address, Shrinibas Bhavan Block 30. I continued to connect with him. He responded after a long time.
“Akash, where are you?”
“I’m at home, why Aatri?” He was whispering.
“Can I meet you now? I’m near your resident”
“How? When have you come?” His voice flinched like a burnt cat.
“I’ve reached today. Please I want to meet you. It is very urgent.”
“But Aatri I’m busy now. I cannot meet you now.”
I just lost my senses. I could not think more. I could reach Chitora travelling a long distance, ignoring all my inconveniences and there he was too busy to meet me. I kept a tight hold on my patience, though my mental and physical stamina was at a draught.
I took some food and spend some time roaming the streets and alleys full of dust, heat and hatred. I spent two hours and then waited for Akash at his stop. He did not come. I called him but he did not respond. I waited and waited. I was feeling too bad, my heart was wrenching with agony and deep pain, and my eyes were full of burning tears. But I was sure that I had to return, I could not die in this no-love zone.
I took a town bus and my steps were heavy when I stepped on the pedestal. I hoped even at the last moment that he would come and retain me from returning. I had just come for him, just for him.
“What kind of relationship is this Akash? I went for you, just for you and you could not meet me. I cannot tolerate any more. You remained busy. What the fucking busy you were that you could not meet me when I crossed such a long distance for you? You don’t take my calls, you feel offended if I call you in your house in front of your friend. And why are you hiding the relationship? Is it a sacrilege on your part to love me? Are you ashamed of loving me? You have so many faces Akash and I cannot recognize what is yours. I’m scared of this, of this hide-and-seek game. I want to flee from you, away, far away where I can be free from your spell. I was exhausted enough in the way of searching my answers, now I wanted to be in peace, with no love, no bargaining, nothing. I just like to lie down sprawling my benumbed limbs and my vacant brain in my bed beside the window far from that world of clashing ambiguity.”
Hey, I am Munmun, the phoenix fabulist who wants to tell you stories. I love to read stories and I love to weave stories. I feel life is an amalgamation of multiple stories, colourful threads, and threads of pain, pleasure, hope, and hopelessness. We just need to pick those hues and arrange them, knitting them with our own emotions and perception. So let’s celebrate the stories of life.