For one month I had not met him. No, it was not my eyes that could not smell his presence but the job pressure that forced me to go early every day. I tried to throw back the thought, the deep yearning to see him, the frantic whims to meet those eyes eluding the whole world. I promised and prayed and remained frightened to hear my own heartbeat.
My days started with the hope to see him and ended with disappointment. I never acknowledged that fact, even to me. But somehow, someone within me could feel the pain… deep, piercing. I delved deep into work pressure and shackled my mind in every possible way. I did not know him; he might be someone’s husband, someone’s lover. I tried to make myself understand. I fell into a battle with myself and it was not an easy battle to fight with. Even I could not share it with Dipesh though I felt the nagging guilt within me.
Then one day after I choked down my hopes I found him.
It was a chilled winter day. I wrapped myself in everything I possess and hoarded the bus. Nowadays I felt somewhat cool. The reason might be as I had not seen him for a long time, or might be the pain had got blunt when it stabbed recurrently.
But outstanding my insight and forbearance he was there, seated…after a long time…as if after an eternity. I tried to ignore him, not for him but for me. Why should I care for a person who treated me with detached indifference and forlorn unfamiliarity?
I walked through the aisle to reach the rear part of the bus where I noticed a vacant seat. When I was crossing his seat I heard him speak, speak to me!
“Hi! Where have you been for so long? I have not seen you. Have you changed your bus?”
“Two of our senior staff have retired and one has transferred to another branch. So…” I fumbled for words, “ok there is a seat in the back row. Bye.”
I could not stand in front of his radioactive eyes. The fear to be got scanned and scrutinized was terrifying as well as humiliating to me. But I felt the hunting disturbance again in my heart.
To be continued…
Hey, I am Munmun, the phoenix fabulist who wants to tell you stories. I love to read stories and I love to weave stories. I feel life is an amalgamation of multiple stories, colourful threads, and threads of pain, pleasure, hope, and hopelessness. We just need to pick those hues and arrange them, knitting them with our own emotions and perception. So let’s celebrate the stories of life.